Esme Writes.

The time is almost here- the day where I rejoice in the fact that adding another 365 hash marks to the figurative cell wall of life has not done me in. In fact, I like to think that at least 207 have taught me lessons. That’s 56% kids! More than one out of every two!

Like any good birthday I plan on drinking a little too much, saying some things I shouldn’t, dancing on top of a coffee table or two, wandering around Echo Park, attempting to get free drinks out of the whole situation and generally encouraging debauchery from all those around me. Oh, and I will probably light something on fire, because what 24th birthday is complete without pushing limits and laws??

Since I know you guys are all racking your brains to think of some exquisite gift to get me, The Girl Who Has Everything, I thought I would make a nice little list to help you on your quest for The Perfect 24th Birthday Gift:

Giant Bunny Rabbit

- bigger is always better, especially when it hops.
Ask her:

Classy Brass Knuckles

-Always doin’ heavy damage….to wine bottles and faces.

Sailboat and/or Sailboat ride and/or sailboating lessons

- I like to consider myself a burgeoning sailor and an amateur cartographer.

A shirt with this on it:

- To wear when I am wearing the brass knuckles.

A Giant Sandwich Man

- At the sound of a tiny silver bell he would show up and be delicious. If he could always have a buddy, Bowl of Soup, with him that would be great too.

Horror Movie Marathon at a Drive-in

- Top down, 1969 Mustang convertible, complete with Zombi 2, both versions of Dawn of the Dead, The Thing, Halloween, and Beetlejuice.

Viola Playing Robot

- Trained to make divine cocktails, as well as do dishes and acupuncture.

This recycled necklace from Talking Squid on etsy.com

- Recycled and AMAZING.

Wall of Outlets.

- The whole tv set up would be cool too, if you’re feeling generous, but mostly just a wall of outlets. You know you wish you had one too.

Zero Gravity Sex.

- I may have made this up…but……

As always, cash is acceptable, as well as rent for the month of August paid in full. In addition, vintage necklaces, sushi, casks of wine, barrels of whiskey and giant wheels of cheese will be accepted with utmost gratitude.

Oh. Also your love and support is good too….. if it comes in a card with a check in it.

Love,

The girl in the middle who, 19 years ago, had no idea…