Filed under: 30 Poems in 30 Days, Esme Writes, Poetry | Tags: 2010, 30 Poems in 30 Days, Bonnie and Clyde, Echo Park, Esme Writes, Friends, Fuck, Hope, Kamikaze, paper, sharp objects
21
Mostly I’ve learned all these years
is that it’s all a joke
and not one that’s hilarious
filled with belly laughs and sparkling
hot tears
and that post-orgasmic languor
but it’s just
kinda odd-funny
like those something is out of
place search for it puzzles
I used to do in Highlights Magazine
as a kid in the dentist office
My table legs are umbrellas
and there are daisies sprouting from my phone
and outside it’s raining
literal cats and dogs and
a few other of god’s creatures
and it kinda just makes me shrug and say
that’s funny.
20
Bonnie : Clyde :: Esme : ??
how far would you go with me?
would you rob a bank, with me, Clyde?
It’s Clyde I want,
a partner in crime,
a tear-it-the-fuck-up-just-because-we-can
and fuck-it-all-cause-I’ve-got-you-babe
with devil-may-care in his step and
just the right touch when I need it
and mostly
we’d be like kittens.
it wouldn’t be that dangerous
man it would be
the Clyde who
reins in my wolf-ways
makes me want to stand in
our kitchen barefoot
draw baths
paint boats on canvas
plan trips to Europe
hold hands
be sweet
stop my earth-shaking ways
I want
learn to love someone with hands bigger than mine
and who doesn’t take my shit
hey Clyde, how far would you go?
you’d do that for me,
wouldn’t ya?
19
I want to make sudden quick moves
like darting out into traffic while wearing all black on
a moonless night from a dark alleyway
not like asking for death kamikaze
but more like let’s see how far we
can run before our lungs bust into
those big red forth of july fireworks
I remember from Kensington Lake when
I was 7.
18
I am awful at finishing anything.
Why do I fucking start things I can’t finish.
Fucking hell.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: 2010, Echo Park, Esme Writes, Friends, Grafton Place, Happy New Year, Holidays, Hope, Impromptu, Life, Living The Life, Los Angeles, Love, Music, Passion, Poetry, Take Away Show, Yeasayer
About 4pm on January 31, my roommate and I agreed to host an impromptu New Year’s Party at our little Echo Park place. Some sequence of events prevented our original location from hosting the soiree and since moving into our home we’ve managed to host quiet a few successful little shin-digs.
As we prepared, we wanted to share with our friends the questions that she and I have been asking ourselves lately:
Where have you been?
Where are you now?
Where are you going?
What will you carry with you?
We taped up some paper on our walls and invited our friends to share their own responses with us.
We are so blessed to have friends who wholly accept our quirks, and who participate with their hearts, and also who are all so honestly poetic. The papers are still on our walls.
Here are our answers.
Where have you been?
– I don’t remember my first address in Los Angeles. This is intentional, I think. That place was forgettable.
– To the pit of my stomach, to hell and back to the dark and dreary den of my dreams. Just below rock-bottom. And all the while, still quite lost…
– Everywhere, somewhere, & most places. I have been where I was & where I was is where I’ll always be.
– Infinity~ & beyond…
– Always was which never was which always is.
– Nowhere.
– Everywhere! Anywhere is where you are!
– I’ve been walking in the shadow of my imaginary self.
– There.
– Hate will get you every time.
Where are you now?
– Two solid legs, grounded feet, head to the sky, heart open.
– Home. Atop my two legs. Standing with an open mind and open heart. Living in a West Coast fantasy, following my dreams with passion and vigor. I am here. Now. In the moment. Moving with a forward momentum. I am powerful. I am ready for it all.
– I know now what I knew then but I didn’t know then what I know now.
– In Love.
– On the moon.
– Exactly where I am now….now.
– Juggling happiness.
– Somewhere.
– Here.
– Stepping out of the dark.
– Living in love, living poor as shit, living to really live.
Where are you going?
– Up! Up! Up! and out! All over!!
– To the sky, to the top, with those I love. Onward. Upward. To uncharted territory. To places beyond out wildest dreams.
– Where I am.
– Anywhere that looks nice.
– Anywhere I want to. Stay focused.
– Who knows?! I don’t, but it will be great!!
– Anywhere
– ?
– Into the light.
– Only into good- wherever that is. We have our minds & we have each other.
What will you carry with you?
– I carry with me, all day, the deepest gratitude for the ability to share so much LOVE with those around me.
– Each and every moment. Relished and saved. Love for myself and those wonderful souls in my world. The strength and peace and warmth and love I feel. I carry it all.
– My core star! : – ) Always.
– A hand gun.
– My wallet & my t-shirt. Make it til you crash your U-HAUL.
– My AK-47 in my pocket. Don’t really have a choice anyway.
– An everlasting chord to ring for all eternity. What will it sound like is up to me.
– My rythm.
– Love. Always love.
– Confidence.
The following morning, I remembered this video by a band who has become embedded into our daily lives here in the apartment. I cannot explain to you how much the simplicity of their lyrics makes for completely and hauntingly accurate songs.
This is Yeasayer’s Take Away Show and it’s just the most beautiful way to spend a few minutes.
“It’s a new year, I am glad to be here in the first spring so let’s sing…”
You ain’t never seen nothin’ like this before
Filed under: Esme Writes, Love, Sweet Little Something | Tags: Art, Cancer House, Desperation, Friends, Hope, Horoscope, Love
Monday, November 16, 2009:
You’ve always had what you need to do anything you want to do.
Now, just fucking do it.
It’s the perfection of desperation.
Esme Writes. 